The Rage is Real: Understanding Midlife Anger

I never thought I’d be addressing this topic- or understanding it for that matter. I have always been a pretty happy person. I mean, like everyone, I could get upset or angry, but I would never call it rage. However, there was a time during perimenopause when I would explode over the smallest things—like if I spilled something in the kitchen or took a wrong turn when driving. I’m not talking about irritation—I mean rage. Sometimes I would get really angry about these little things. It didn’t feel like me. I didn’t know what was happening to me—and no one warned me this was part of menopause. So, if you’ve ever felt like you’re losing your mind or becoming someone you don’t recognize, this episode is for you.

Why Does Rage Show Up in Perimenopause and Menopause?

 • Hormonal fluctuations: Declining estrogen and progesterone affect neurotransmitters like serotonin and your natural mood stabilizers.

 • Loss of buffering: Progesterone has a calming, soothing effect. When it drops, the “filter” comes off—your brain gets raw, unbuffered input.

 • Adrenal overload: Many women are running on cortisol from stress, overwork, caregiving, and undernourishment—creating a short fuse.

 • Suppressed emotions resurfacing: Years (or decades) of people-pleasing, emotional labor, and caretaking may come bursting through the cracks.

Truth bomb here:

This isn’t just about hormones—it’s also about boundaries, unmet needs, and the loss of emotional cushioning we’ve relied on for years.

Signs You’re Experiencing Perimenopausal Rage:

 • You react disproportionately to small annoyances—yelling, slamming doors, snapping at loved ones.

 • You feel out of control in the moment—then regret it later.

 • You have physical symptoms like a hot face, pounding heart, clenched jaw, or trembling.

 • You feel like “this isn’t me”—and you’re embarrassed, ashamed, or confused afterward.

Once I remember picking up my son and his girlfriend from a concert in downtown Seattle. Yes- there were people everywhere and my dog was jumping all over the car- but it wasn’t that big of a deal. When the kids got into the car- I completely lost it. I started yelling like it was their fault. I felt horrible about it. I could not understand why I did it, and I wondered what was wrong with me. It was awful. 

What You Can Do About It (Without Shaming Yourself)

1. Name It

Normalize that this is a symptom of perimenopause—not a character flaw.

Try saying to yourself, “This is hormonal rage. I’m not losing it. I’m noticing it.” I wish I had known menopause was the reason I was feeling this way. 

2. Track It

 • Keep a rage diary—notice patterns (time of month, stress triggers, lack of sleep).

 • Track food, alcohol, sugar, and stress inputs. Anything that might affect how you’re feeling. 

3. Regulate It (Without Suppressing It)

 • Go outside. Move your body. Walk it out.

 • Do breathwork: inhale 4 / hold 4 / exhale 6 (slows the nervous system).

 • Try the “rage scream in the car” method. Yes- if you need to scream, do it by yourself! That way you don’t feel you have to apologize or feel embarrassed. 

4. Support Your Hormones

 • Magnesium and Vitamin B6 support mood regulation.

 • Talk to a provider about progesterone if appropriate.

 • Reduce caffeine and alcohol (they spike anxiety and make outbursts worse).

 • Nourish your adrenals with whole food meals and consistent rest.

5. Address the Underneath

 • What are you angry about?

 • What are you tolerating that your body is now done with?

 • Rage can be a message: “Pay attention. We’ve held this in too long.”

You’re Not Alone in How You’re Feeling—And You’re Not Broken

The rage doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a human going through a radical shift. And once you understand it, you can meet it with compassion, not shame.

A few things that have helped me are:

1. I now know that part of this is caused by the changes in my body. Understanding that has been validating, and I wish a medical provider- or someone- would’ve shared that with me. 

2. Taking a break- a walk, some deep breaths- pausing for even just a few minutes when I can feel myself getting overwhelmed- have helped me feel better too. 

If you’d like to keep track of your emotions and patterns, you could try some journaling prompts:

 1. “When do I feel the most reactive?”

 2. “What am I holding in that needs expression?”

 3. “What support do I need right now?”

So, if the anger has been showing up—sudden, sharp, and unfamiliar—it’s okay to pause and pay attention. These feelings are signals. Your body is shifting, your needs are evolving, and what once felt manageable may now feel overwhelming. That doesn’t mean something’s wrong—it means it’s time to care for yourself in a new way. The more you understand what’s happening, the more empowered you become to respond with clarity, patience, and grace. This is part of the process—and you’re allowed to navigate it on your own terms.

Thank you for reading and take care of you!